Mayuri's Affair
by Mayuri Kurotsuchi
Summary: Zabimaru is told Mayuri is seeing a girl in his private lab! *le gasp*!, [Contains crack and OC's! XD]


**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any bleach characters! If i did it would have more Kenny and Mayuri battles! ouo**

**But Owlness owns Zabimaru and i own Aingeru! ^-^**

**DESCRIPTION: Zabimaru is told Mayuri is seeing a girl in his private lab! *le gasp*!, **

**Contains crack and OC's! XD**

Zabimaru strolled through the halls of the 12th division and let out a yawn. She was hoping to find Mayuri to kill some time, she did try and tag along with Kenpachi in his 'find and stab the berry' game but ever since Yachiru started hanging chappy bunny dolls outside her room and sending letters that read:

"Stop stealing my Kenny or i will start hanging YOUR plushies!". It seemed like a good idea to avoid her...

She blinked and sighed with a slight laugh, "I guess that's what you get when you let Kenny raise kids". She slowly skipped around the labs and found her way to the hollow holding cells, she stopped mid-skip and paled as she saw a hollow snarling at her. The fiend howled and charged at her as she let out a yelp.

*THUD!* the hollow hit the spotless glass case and Zabimaru giggled as it slid slowly down to the floor with a whimper, "you guys are always so eager to say hello!" She skipped further into the room and turned to a large cylindrical glass cage. Inside sat a strange shark like hollow with a single large horn, almost like a unicorn. The beast's eyes flashed open and it raised its dinosaur like head, "Ay! If it isn't the scientist's girl!" it raised itself on its large front fins that had arm like joints and slithered towards her. It was easily 8 feet tall when it was propped up like this in front of her.

"Come to mock me now have we?" it grumbled, slapping its tail on the other side of the tank and letting out a deep hiss. "Aingeru, you should know I'm just here to check on you!" she quivered her bottom lip and sniffled. "R-really?" The shark tilted his head to the side and blinked.

"Hehe! Nope! I'm just trying find Mayuri" she chirped, "Figures, he's with some girl in that room over there" he pointed his fin like arm and then noticed the seemingly frozen Zabimaru.

"A g-g-girl?" she hissed through gritted teeth, her hands clenched into fists as she stomped over to the door that read, "Captains private laboratory; Keep out!" Her eyes were burning with anger as she plotted ways of making this girl suffer, and suffer was a nice way of putting it! "Private huh?" she growled "not on my watch mister!" she reached her hand towards the handle but was stopped by the mumbles coming from the other side. She pressed her ear against the door and her eyes widened at what she heard:

"Such smooth curves and such power...dare i say it...perfect!" he let out a maniacal laugh followed by...kissing?

"OH HELL NO!" Zabimaru screamed, blowing the door off its hinges. She stomped in but stopped dead in her tracks as soon as the dust cleared.

Mayuri was looking at Zabimaru with stunned eyes, he was hugging his newly made giant blender, his tongue seemingly glued to its glass, "Zabethmaru ith noth wa itsh looth like!" he pleaded, yet still clinging onto his creation.

"...uh?...are you...smooching the blender?" She said in a confused tone, she couldn't help but feel jealous of the giant tool and watched as Mayuri peeled himself off it and wiped off the drool.

"Don't be silly! I was simply...examining it!" He gave a 'hmmpf' and started to slowly flee from Zabimaru's rage filled gaze.

"...with...your tongue?" she spat and Mayuri froze, turning to look her in the eye, "...Tongues...are sensitive to imperfections.." he said with a nervous laugh as he avoided eye contact and twiddled his thumbs.

She smiled and laughed making him jump slightly, "Hehe! Of course, how silly of me! Now come on, it's getting late!" she skipped out the room with a slightly confused Mayuri in hand.

The next day Mayuri's screams could be heard throughout the Seireitei, "MY MAGNIFICENT BLENDER! IS GONE! OH THE HUMANITY!"

Zabimaru patted his shoulder wearing a victorious grin, 'Portal guns are such amazing devices'.

-Meanwhile in Hueco Mundo-

"..."

"So you're tellin' me, this just fell from the sky and landed on Aizen?" The blue haired espda turned to the emotionless gaze of Ulquiorra who simply nodded in agreement.

"So...like...Who gives tha' orders now?" he looked as Ulquiorra's widened eyes, "What? Who died?" Grimmjow chuckled but yelped as Ulquiorra grabbed his face and forced him to look at the distance, he squinted his eyes and mumbled "Uh, Bat, what exactly am i looking at?"

"...The fangirl hoard, Aizen kept back their forces...but now..."Grimmjow screamed in a high pitch and jumped into Ulquiorra's arms, "F-FANGIRLS!?" and in that instant Ulquiorra poofed to safety, leaving Grimmjow to his fate.

"U-ulquiorra?!" he screamed as he was drowned in a wave of squealing fangirls,"IM TOO SEXY TOO DIE!"

**A/N:**

**Mayuri: Why!? Why did you teleport away my lovely Blendina! ;3;**

**Zabimaru: Because!...BLENDINA!? YOU NAMED IT!? :U**

**Mayuri: ...;-; my lovely...blendina...so young...so innocent...and made damn good orange juice too...**

**Zabimaru: *spays Mayuri on the nose with a spray bottle* Bad Mayuri! Bad!**

**Mayuri:*Hisssssss!***

**Random fact: When Grimmjow returns they will play the "Lord of the Rings: Return of the king" theme.**


End file.
